He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
