that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
