I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
