you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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