I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
