i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize