Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
