Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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