Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Let's get the cat blown out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
