They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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