Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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