wanna go halves on a baby?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
