his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
