this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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