i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
