The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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