I just pynch a tree in the face
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
