Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
