I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
