loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
