Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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