I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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