puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
