Its about making memories worth repressing
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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