Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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