omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
