He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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