remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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