He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
