Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
