please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
