No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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