called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
