Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
