tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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