I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
