My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
