we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
