Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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