it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
