i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
