She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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