just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
