So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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