Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
