He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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