just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is classic penis vs brain.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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