Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
