Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
