My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
