I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
