I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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