I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
