stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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