I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Mom said you looked used
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
