After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
