ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
