so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
