After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
