She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
