Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
