White coat. Heels.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
