how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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