I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
