You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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