found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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