All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
