hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
