goodnight i made you a song goodbye
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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